From the Archives: Seed of Chucky, the worst major-studio release EVER.

Seed of Chucky poster

This cool teaser poster is 100 times more interesting than anything in the film.

(Originally published May 2005.)

When a movie studio knows it has a stinker, it screens it for critics at the last minute, hoping to snag some quick box office before the truth gets out.

For Seed of Chucky, Universal subsidiary Rogue Pictures actually banned reviewers from its 11th-hour preview.

Now, nobody should expect art from this, the fifth film in the Child’s Play killer doll franchise. But a Friday matinée showed that this could very well be the worst movie ever released by a major studio.

Not just the worst Chucky flick. Not just the worst film of 2004. Worst ever.

I love body count-busting horror movies, especially ones with heaps of humor. Two of my favorite movies are An American Werewolf in London and Sam Raimi’s gore-and-guffaws classic Evil Dead 2: Dead by Dawn. I read Fangoria magazine all the time. Even though the other four Chucky flicks varied widely in quality, I generally enjoyed them.

And yet Seed is so inept, so slipshod and pathetic, so full of the cheesiest horror film references and spoofs – especially every memorable scene from Psycho – it even put me off.

Seed was written by the same guy – Don Mancini – who invented Chucky and wrote all four previous screenplays, though this is the first one he directed. Now we know what incredible chicken salad chefs those other directors were.

Seed’s mostly incomprehensible plot seems to have something to do with actor Jennifer Tilly and rapper Redman playing only slightly creepier versions of themselves and being assaulted by Chucky (voice of Brad Dourif) and his Bride of Chucky spouse, Tiffany (voice of Tilly).

Seems the murderous dolls plan to artificially inseminate the human Tilly with Chucky’s seed. Why? To provide a human body for the killer couple’s progeny: a gender-confused, sex-organ-lacking adolescent doll who looks like . . . well, Clay Aiken ought to sue.

It’s enough to make you almost envy Chucky and Tiffany’s many murder victims. At least they get to bow out of the action early.

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